Perspective of Perception 

My first official Monday on CTS campus began as a mixed bag of chips, coupled with what seemed like amazing ah-ha moments, bouts of kindness and unbelievable attacks.  I sat in my class gently wiping the fingerprints from the lens of my glasses, and then returned them to my face.  The professor began to talk about “function” and “over-functioning” in our prescribed communities.   I laughed quietly to myself, as I thought of my less than perfect vision and it’s adjusted functionality made possible by scientifically prescribed alternatives.  This thought then causes me to meditate on the Apostle Paul.  I am reminded that this Pharisee (then named Saul) was confronted by Jesus on his way to Damascus, because he continued his quest in persecuting Christians which ultimately persecuted the savior himself.  He had a misperception of what the new movement represented.   Ultimately, Saul was “passionately” doing the wrong thing.  I then contemplated how his character, nature and name was changed once he was separated from his association with his chosen or prescribed religious organization.  I began to wonder about (as I often do) about good and bad collaborations,  patterns of action, wrong mindsets, victim mentalities, bouts of self pity, and murderous intention…because of following wrong movements.  I intended to write a wonderful blog today about being in the right place at the right time, but my thinking changed when my day was met with unrest and the absence of peace.  I dealt with bouts of confusion, headaches, episodes of self pity and unclearness, however at the same time, I also experienced moments of serenity, clarity, resolve, unity and appreciation.  So how could these two dynamics reside in the same space?  How could two opposing spirits and agendas seem to battle in the same proximity?  Yet it did.  I had also been reminded of many of God’s stories in the bible throughout the day, Joseph in the morning, Peter/David during Chapel, and Paul in the classroom.  The Bible themes were fitting and telling.  I wondered what was the purpose of these biblical reminders… to lead, to help with discernment, to teach, or a gentle nudging of God’s spirit that says, “…this is the way walk in it” ?    Nonetheless, amidst the themes of struggle and gentle leading… I did want to theorize anything I just wanted to find Jesus and have him clear this whole matter up.  I was in a storm of decisions with the voice of God competing with opposing perceptions.

There are over a hundred verses in the bible that refer to “vision.”  The Lord literally poses the question to Zechariah (5:2) and Jeremiah (1:13) “what do you see,” unveiling their perspectives as well as their perceptions.  Paul’s prescribed perception/perspective was delayed so that the Holy Spirit could remove his reliance on his personal prescribed preceptors.  Paul had to unlearn certain things in order to receive learn the person of Jesus. We are either in the position of Paul (self motivated) or Jeremiah (God dependent) that even in the brightest of places we must still remain in prayer.  As I walked across campus back to class, I remembered that the devil comes as an Angel of light, he suggests and twist opportunities like “did God really say?” and makes one push past God’s timing, especially when an attractive offer is present.   I don’t usually rely on feelings, however at this juncture in my walk, all my senses (perception, insight, feeling, knowledge) are working overtime…prayer is crucial.  If something doesn't feel or appear right, I am no longer in a position to ignore it.  I’ve come to the realization that my honeymoon phase is over in ministry, seminary, and life.  Its time to look at all things with a sober expression.   

Sitting back in the classroom my private thinking begins to subside and I try to refocus my attention on the professor.  The professor concludes the class, ”Are there any questions?” I reach for my glasses, that are now sitting on the desk, and as I lift them up one of the lens drops out and falls to the floor!  I stare down in unbelief at the displaced lens and I am praying that this is God’s way of saying …“you are welcome to see clearly now.”